Answers from Franklin Dadberg, Vol. 4

Advice on sports dadding from the sidelines.

File Under: Advice

Franklin Dadberg is a father of children… how many? We’re not exactly sure, and we don’t ask. What we do know for sure is that we can all learn from his profound and thoughtful insights. Here now is the fourth volume of great advice from Franklin Dadberg.

As I get older I like to spend my time gardening and mowing the lawn. Is this a good topic of conversations with the other dad’s at my kids little league game?

This is a terrible topic of conversation. Why don’t you talk to them about the early-bird special at Crackerbarrel and your cholesterol medication? I think you should approach them and say, “That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ass…” That’s a great topic of conversation.

Speaking of little league – what’s the worst sports dad behavior or act of sports dadness that you can think of?

Great question. First off – nothing wrong with having a few beers or a glass of wine at a ball game. But worst dad behavior is getting totally shit-faced at a kids sporting event. Don’t be pulling a Shooter Flatch on the court.

Other than that a few tips to remember. The poor umpire/ref is often a 14 year-old getting paid seven bucks an hour. If it’s an adult they are probably miserable, so leave them alone. Also – be good to your kids. They aren’t going pro, so don’t let them fear walking over to you after the game.

Common parent mistake – it’s okay to encourage winning, it’s good to want to win. Winning is what makes sports great. Certainly learning to lose is a big part of team sports, but it’s good to win (as long as you’re not a dick).

Speaking of sports dadness – is there anything more intense than the time between a fly ball being hit to your kid and the time he catches it or totally whiffs?

So painful – watching your kid get shelled on the mound or drop a pass or brick a foul shot or give up a goal. It’s even worse in individual sports like tennis or gymnastics. Best advice: walk back to your car, take a hit off your vape pen and know that they get over these things rather quickly. All these years later I remember the one sick diving stop I made in the infield more than the hundreds of errors. And don’t let your kids play water polo.

Michael Mason

Michael Mason

Mike Mason is the founder and publisher of Menschite. He's an educator, musician, podcaster, and father of three. In 2015, Mike created the award-winning Good Stuff Kids Podcast through which he eventually realized his dream of interviewing Raffi. Originally from Buffalo, New York, he's currently based in Houston, Texas.