Answers from Franklin Dadberg, Vol. 2

Force them to play with the sugar packets.

File Under: Advice

Franklin Dadberg is a father of children… how many? We’re not exactly sure, and we don’t ask. What we do know for sure is that we can all learn from his profound and thoughtful insights. Here now is the second volume of great advice from Franklin Dadberg.

What are the best schmooze topics to use with other dads at my daughter’s soccer game?

I think these are the times to scout out for which dads you may have a chance to become friends with. Drop a Dazed and Confused or a Caddyshack reference to see if they can hang. Make some sly comment about cannabis or IPAs to see if anyone takes the bait. Don’t get too emotionally attached and be careful about commenting on the attractiveness of moms — you never know who you’re going to offend.

My kid is a fan of drinking the small cups of creamer at restaurants. Is that cool, or…?

Generally no. But to avoid a massive tantrum all things are fine. Pro-move is to get rid of all of them right away and force them to play with the sugar packets.

I just paid $15 to get my kid into the pumpkin patch to play games and go on the bounce house. She pissed her pants three minutes after we got in. What do I do? We stay, right?

Gotta stay. Fifteen bucks is a lot of money and the line on those fuckers can go forever. A few bounces and all is generally good.

Franklin Dadberg

Franklin Dadberg

Franklin Dadberg is a father of children… how many? We’re not exactly sure. What we do know for sure is that we can all learn from his profound and thoughtful insights and wisdom.